Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on: you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of — throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were going to be made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself. ~C.S. Lewis

Latest cycle has officially begun. I started Lupron shots last night. Pray that my body cooperates and that this time is IT! Trying to stay positive and continuing to eat well and take care of myself. Will write more when I know more :)

Pinch me, pinch me, cause I'm still asleep. Please God tell me that I'm still asleep

I've always loved this song by the Barenaked Ladies. I went to this concert a few weeks ago with some dear friends and it was moving to hear this song in person. I guess I identify with what I think the song is about. It's like being stuck in a void between happiness and depression. Our life is being dictated by doctors and their schedules and whether we have the money to do this and that. And we feel guilty doing anything - if we go somewhere, it costs money...and shouldn't we be saving that money for some unexpected cost that will surely arise? But if we stay home, do we just sit around and watch TV or troll Facebook and see what others are doing? That's what I mean about feeling stuck. But this is sounding like I'm feeling sorry for myself and I'm not going there..... This week I attended my first IVF support group at a local church. It was great. Tons of women there with similar stories, same doctors, same procedures and heartbreaking stories. It felt good to be amongst women that know what you are feeling and as they speak, it's like they are swimming around in your brain. I will keep going. I'm feeling better physically. Had a few hiccups with my blood pressure, but it has stabilized now and I'm on medication. I had an electrocardiogram this week and it went well. There's no damage to my heart and the blood flow looked great. I take 200mg of labetalol twice a day. The medication I'm on is safe for women trying to get pregnant. I also met with my college friend Lesley, a Registered Dietician and Nutritionist. She is awesome and gave me tons of tools and strategies to eat healthy and change my eating habits. I already do feel better. So now I'm just waiting to get my period and once it starts, I can start up the IVF protocol again. I feel like I'm going in this time a lot stronger and better mentally.