Polyp Out Puke In

Yesterday sucked on soo many levels. The surgery was an all day affair. Dan took me at noon where they got me dressed and prepped for the surgery. Then we laid around and watched TV until they came for me around 2pm. I remember being in the operating room with the oxygen mask on. I kept thinking, I wish this was a c-section and they were taking a baby out of me instead of this lame polyp. I woke up around 5pm in the recovery room and felt so tired and nauseous. This monitor kept going off next to me and the nurses kept coming over to tell me to breathe. I knew I was having trouble with reentry! The poor guy next to me was puking in his little u shaped plastic dish. It got me started with my puking. Around 5:30pm, they wheeled me into another room where Dan was waiting. They sat me in a chair and told me to get dressed. I felt so awful, like I was going to pass out and couldn't believe they were rushing me out of there! So Dan got the car and we left. I was ready to puke the whole way home. I was dumping out all the plastic bags so I could puke into them. Dan stopped at Kroger and I got out to puke in the parking lot. Tons of people were walking by. I felt so gross and helpless. I came home and went right to bed. I woke up feeling bad again and have been puking all day. the doctor said this is to be expected because I have a sensitive stomach, but if it persists, I may have to go back and see him. I really, really hope this misery is lifting. I want this to be a start of the path to healing. But right now, it's more of the same. Yucky feelings and sickness. I have a follow up with my doctor in two weeks. Then we can discuss how to move forward with our quest for baby Z. I'm hanging in there. Love to all~

Dan and I met Dr Toledo at Reproductive Biology Associates last week and as expected, we are totally back at square one. The most frustrating part of the visit was the doctor telling us they had just completed a free IVF clinical trial that took place while we were in Czech. And they have no plans any time soon to do another one. Nor do they know of any more in the Atlanta area. So we met again with the business office and she handed me another cost estimate one sheet for treatment at their clinic.....this time, $15,400 and we were sent off on our way. And we are stuck again. Not sure what to do. Keep researching for clinical trials, alternate treatments, surgery for Dan.....and so on....feels very familiar! But I remain hopeful...we were creative enough to find the clinic in the Czech...we will be creative to find something else. We are planning to call the Czech clinic this week, possibly after my surgery but the doctors here told us not to expect anything from them....financially or anything else.

My surgery is this Wednesday. I will post once I get through it. Much love to all.

Doctor visits and more money = low morale

Do you remember the first time you saw this? I remember thinking " put what, where? Scoot down more??" I can't tell you how sick I am of undressing from the waist down and having doctors tell me things that I don't want to hear. I would give anything to walk out of one of these offices with GOOD news. It really sucks because on the way out of his office is a wall of bulletin boards filled with baby announcements and photos. Heck, my refridgerator is covered with them. Obviously my morale is really low today.

I went to Northside Hospital (ironically the hospital I was born in) for my pre-op and talked to my doctor and the nurses about what to expect for my surgery next week. I am undergoing what is called a Hysteroscopic Myomectomy. The doctor will go into my uterus and "grab" the polyp and cauterize around it to make sure there's no growth around it and overall make sure everything else stays healthy. It's a common procedure and fairly routine so I'm not really nervous. More annoyed by the fact that I just forked over $400 (actually I charged it) for this. The money we have spent so far is astounding. And we are still so far away from our goal and coming up with a new plan of attack!

Dan and I are meeting with Dr Toledo at Reproductive Biology Associates tomorrow at 8am. I have not met Dr Toledo, the doctor I previously saw, Hilton Kort, passed away last Friday at the age of 64. I seriously cannot make up the complications and sadness that continues to unfold in our story. He was a wonderful man who founded the practice and served on the team that created the very first "test tube" baby. He will be missed by so many and gave so much to the world. So, so sad. I will post more once we talk to the new doctor. Take care!

"The After Math"

What Now?

I haven't fallen off the Earth. Although, this has shaken me to the core....much more than I thought it would. I have so much praise for the women and men that go through this more than once and continually fail. They are bad ass warriors. That's all I have to say about that. I definitely haven't gone 12 hours without crying but I am back at work and seem to be functioning as a normal human being!! Dan and I are still having a hard time and trying to figure out what happens next. We have an appointment at the fertility clinic on May 12 to basically throw ourselves at their feet and beg them to let us be part of a study or try to get them to discount the procedure. I'm bringing my secret weapons too (my sisters). There always seems to be a question I forget to ask!! The reason I'm writing now is due to the fact that we more or less found out why our IVF failed. To back up a little, I've been having intense pain for the last 3 days and wanted to see the doctor (OB/Gyn) just to make sure this was normal as my body is re adjusting and these hormones are just leaving my body. He did an ultrasound and showed me an enlarged sac near my ovaries which explains the pain. He says that it is "deflating" and my pain should go away in about 12 hours. He says I'm ovulating and that's a good thing. Then, I mentioned to him about my ultrasound in Czech done prior to my egg retrieval/transfer and that the tech thought she saw a polyp near my endometrium. The Brno clinic measured it and told us it was probably a fluke and that we could move forward. So he started looking there and confirmed I do indeed have a polyp the size of a raisin. He used some saline to show me how it's blocking a small part of my uterus. Meaning, if the embryos were put inside my uterus, and they "hit" the polyp, they would not implant...they would bounce off and slide right off and away from my uterus. The doctor cannot/will not say with 100% certainty that this caused our failure but he looked me in the eye and said that's was probably the cause. So, I am going to have surgery in 2 weeks (during my period) to have the polyp removed. Not sure of the date yet because they have to run this by my insurance carrier. He said if I had IVF at a clinic here, he would be suggesting I call the clinic to see if they would try again and heavily discount my procedure. Especially if the tech caught the polyp and they still moved forward with the transfer without monitoring it a bit more. He suggested I contact the clinic in Brno to see what they say to all this. I don't know whether to cry, laugh, be pissed....I guess all of the above. But at least now we are pretty sure why it failed. If you are a good writer, I need all the help I can get to address this with the Brno clinic.
So the roller coaster continues.....Dan and I feel like we've been in the path of a hurricane and are sooo ready for the sun to shine and for some GOOD news. Keep us in your thoughts. Love to all!