Sadness

Went back for an ultrasound today and confirmed no heartbeat.  Doctor says just from looking at it, there appears to have been a chromosomal abnormality.  I have a D&C (dilation and curettage) scheduled for tomorrow morning.  I chose to do this because (1) they can test the tissue to confirm abnormalities and determine whether the egg or the sperm are deficient (she's 90% it's my eggs) and (2) I won't bleed and/or have a physical reminder of the miscarriage. Obviously this is the most difficult thing we've been through this far in our journey.....and also the farthest we've come.  Once we have the lab results back from the tissue observation, we will make a decision on what to do next.  Giving up is not an option.  It's been almost five years of trying and as sad and pissed off as we are.....all that rage and tears are channeled into trying harder.
Thank you for all the wonderful emails, text messages, flowers, food, etc.  I know I would not be functional if it weren't for family and friends.  This process has tried to take my sanity (thankful for zoloft) , my health (high bp) , my looks (weight gain and countless gray hairs and wrinkles) and yet it will be all worth it when we finally get our baby.  Love to all and HAPPY THANKSGIVING.