Fourth heartbreak

A lot of people say to me, "I don't know what you're going through but I'm here for you".  So I'm going to do my best to explain what it feels like.  Imagine planning your wedding with your fiancé that you love very much.  You've picked out the flowers, the menu, etc and you have nightly dreams about what the wedding will be like.  Your friends and family are so excited for you and ask you for updates on everything and are sharing your joy as if it's happening to them.  Life is so blissful and you feel so surrounded by love.  Married friends:  do you remember this feeling?  Ok, now imagine suddenly your fiancé disappears.  You have no idea where he went, no idea WHY he left and you will never see your dream come in to fruition after all your planning.  Everyone around you is hugging you and crying and you feel numb.  And everyone around you has a spouse and you've been to their weddings and see how happy they are.
Now you feel a huge weight is sitting on your chest and all you want to do is scream and throw things.  That sums it up.  I don't care if people think this is overly dramatic or that I'm having a pity party.  I'm pissed.  And I'm sick of crying about this and I'm sick of seeing how much it devastates my family.
I'm thankful that I have a wonderful boss that is letting me work through this at home.  I thought work would be a good distraction but my anxiety is too awful to even get up.  I go back to the doctor on Monday for another ultrasound to confirm the baby is gone and they will do a d&c.  This is done partly so they can study tissue matter to confirm chromosomal abnormalities.  We will then discuss what to do next.  My doctor is very empathetic and hopeful that we can come up with a new plan......whether that be egg donation or adoption.....we don't know.  Please send us good vibes and love.  I can't thank you enough for your support and constant faith in our quest.