Happy New Year

I'm sorry I've haven't posted any updates.  A few of you have been asking what's up lately so I'll fill you in here.  The holidays are always hard so I sorta go silent and curl up with my dogs and binge on Netflix because my job gives me so much time off.  I highly recommend Ozark....if Dan and I don't work out, and Jason Bateman's marriage crumbles, we are going to marry.  But I digress....after much relaxation, I'm back at the grind and facing reality once again.

Right now, we have our profile book out to one expectant mom and her boyfriend (the baby's father) and they are considering us and a few others.  We should know more soon.  We have steadily received expectant mom profiles since September.  We get a brief description of the baby's mom and father (if they have it) as well as a little bit about their background, (family, medical stuff, current living situation).  As hard as you think is to decide to move forward or not with sharing your profile book or not, IT IS.  We have turned down a few and have been turned down by a few.  It's hard.  But you keep going.  You keep telling yourself that those aren't your babies.  You tell yourself that your baby is waiting for you somewhere....and your time is coming.  I really do believe that.  The love and support and guidance I've received all this time has made me believe this. 

I'll sign off with this incredible act of love I received over my Christmas break.  I hope she doesn't mind me sharing :)  Liz, a girl I went to high school with reached out to me and asked if I could meet with her one day for a quick coffee.  I told her of course.  After a crazy snow storm and flu bugs, we met on a Tuesday afternoon.  Liz adopted her beautiful little girl a few years ago and has been a source of strength and love for me throughout the last couple years.  I haven't spoken to her in a while, mostly because I've been a "shut-in" or babysitting and haven't returned calls or texts :)  But she knew about my heart dropbox project.  So on this day I met her, her daughter hands me a bag full of miniature decorated hearts and Liz explains that as a Preschool Art Teacher, she's had her entire school design their own hearts for us and sign their names to them.  There were even some pictures drawn (my facebook profile pic is one of them) and donated cash.  Liz is crying as she's explaining this to me and I'm really just trying to stay upright in my seat because I feel like I'm going to pass out or curl up in a fetal position and cry like a baby myself.  I won't go into much more, but the love I felt at that moment, and the moments after felt like I was floating on air.  I will never forget it Liz.  You are amazing. 

I say this all the time and I'll say it again....this  journey has changed me forever.  Yes, it has been exhausting, sad, made me ugly and broken me at times.  But the lessons are so much greater.  I've learned that your darkest moments don't have to be dark, you have people that want to be there for you. You HAVE to let them in.  You cannot be alone in this world. Feeling alone makes you do things you shouldn't do.  I have such a perspective now that I would never have had if my life had gone the way I thought it would have gone. And it's not just the "don't sweat the small stuff" philosophy, it's about knowing that no matter how sad things can get, there's a way to pull yourself back and to ask others for help.  You'll never lose your way because you'll have your people there cheering you on. And you love and appreciate those people so much more than you thought you could.  You don't have time for the bullshit.  You will do anything for them in return.   That's all for now.  Love and more love to all.